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@@ -128,9 +128,6 @@ My team lead knows. He sees it.
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But he is fighting his own battles right now, getting close to his own edge.
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But he is fighting his own battles right now, getting close to his own edge.
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I care about him. I do not want to push more onto someone who is already bending.
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I care about him. I do not want to push more onto someone who is already bending.
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His boss knows too.
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He is going on vacation tomorrow.
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And then there is the functional management team, the people I genuinely click with, who actually check in on me.
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And then there is the functional management team, the people I genuinely click with, who actually check in on me.
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They are buried too.
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They are buried too.
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@@ -158,23 +155,36 @@ So I hold it.
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And then there is him.
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And then there is him.
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Someone at work I keep thinking about in a way I cannot fully explain.
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He knows how heavy it is.
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He sees the situation.
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He is one of the few people who actually has that overview.
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I do not know if what I feel is real.
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And he is going on vacation tomorrow.
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I genuinely do not know.
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My honest thought is that maybe my system is just running a process it does not have the right dependencies for.
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I do not fully know what to do with that.
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That after months of carrying everything alone, something in me is just reaching for whoever feels steady.
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Because somewhere alongside all of that, there is something else.
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Something I cannot fully name or explain.
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I keep thinking about him in a way that does not feel purely professional.
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And I do not know if that is real or if my system is just running a process it does not have the right dependencies for.
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Maybe after months of carrying everything alone, something in me is just reaching for whoever feels steady.
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Whoever has capacity.
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Whoever has capacity.
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Whoever seems like they could hold something without breaking.
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Whoever seems like they could hold something without breaking.
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And he feels like that.
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And he feels like that.
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But I do not know if that is a feeling or just a symptom.
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But I do not know if that is a feeling or just a symptom of being this tired and this alone for this long.
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And I cannot ask anyone.
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And I cannot ask anyone.
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So it just sits there, unresolved, taking up memory I do not have to spare.
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So it just sits there, unresolved, taking up memory I do not have to spare.
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The person who knows the most about my situation at work.
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And the person I am most confused about.
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Same person.
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---
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---
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## The people I miss
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## The people I miss
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