update

src/content/blog/one-pair-hands.md

@@ -128,9 +128,6 @@ My team lead knows. He sees it.
 But he is fighting his own battles right now, getting close to his own edge.
 I care about him. I do not want to push more onto someone who is already bending.
 
-His boss knows too.
-He is going on vacation tomorrow.
-
 And then there is the functional management team, the people I genuinely click with, who actually check in on me.
 They are buried too.
 
@@ -158,23 +155,36 @@ So I hold it.
 
 And then there is him.
 
-Someone at work I keep thinking about in a way I cannot fully explain.
+He knows how heavy it is.
+He sees the situation.
+He is one of the few people who actually has that overview.
 
-I do not know if what I feel is real.
-I genuinely do not know.
+And he is going on vacation tomorrow.
 
-My honest thought is that maybe my system is just running a process it does not have the right dependencies for.
-That after months of carrying everything alone, something in me is just reaching for whoever feels steady.
+I do not fully know what to do with that.
+
+Because somewhere alongside all of that, there is something else.
+Something I cannot fully name or explain.
+
+I keep thinking about him in a way that does not feel purely professional.
+And I do not know if that is real or if my system is just running a process it does not have the right dependencies for.
+
+Maybe after months of carrying everything alone, something in me is just reaching for whoever feels steady.
 Whoever has capacity.
 Whoever seems like they could hold something without breaking.
 
 And he feels like that.
 
-But I do not know if that is a feeling or just a symptom.
+But I do not know if that is a feeling or just a symptom of being this tired and this alone for this long.
 
 And I cannot ask anyone.
 So it just sits there, unresolved, taking up memory I do not have to spare.
 
+The person who knows the most about my situation at work.
+And the person I am most confused about.
+
+Same person.
+
 ---
 
 ## The people I miss